My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
