sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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