I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
