So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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