it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
