the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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