It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
