Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
