I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
