I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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