he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
