At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
