I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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