6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
