What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
