After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Watching her eat just hurts me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
