I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
