Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
