Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
