I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize