i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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