I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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