Got a toothbrush?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize