New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
