just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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