I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
