so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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