I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize