Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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