I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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