how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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