i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
