biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
