Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
