Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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