Umm I'm too high to move.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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