Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
