dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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