She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
