Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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