I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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