Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
