Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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