I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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