Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
