there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
