shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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