I'm really into asian looking animals
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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