I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
