She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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