Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize