I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
