my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
