At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize