This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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