We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
