you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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