opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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