Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize