I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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