So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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