I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
