youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize