I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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