i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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