Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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