I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
