she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize