i need an iv and a liver transplant
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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