I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
