He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
